What do you want?

It’s fascinating to find that the reason you want something is because other people told you that you want it.

Oddly enough, I’m talking about love.  Partnership, marriage, what have you.

Now, I am not a person who will do a thing just because I’m told to.  But they go about it in a much more cunning way than that.  They put it everywhere, for you to see.

Like so:

They put it in movies.  Now, how many movies can you think of where love didn’t solve all the problems?


Admittedly, some of them die…


And I haven’t actually seen this one:


And in Star Wars love didn’t solve all the problems.


But it is an incredibly recurring theme.

Gone With The Wind

And it’s just the same as advertising.  Companies will pay for people to look happy in a movie, drinking their drink.  Love is being marketed in the same way, and it makes us think we will be happy when we get it.


And we might not be!  Didn’t anyone else fall in love with the idea of drinking coffee when they saw it being adored and constantly consumed and depended upon in Gilmore Girls and Friends and well, shall we say, most tv and movies?  I know it made me think that must be the number one drink of awesomeness.


And then I drank it, and it tastes like burnt toast.


It’s just not necessarily for everyone, and that’s not a bad thing.  The bad thing is that you need to try coffee to know if you love it or hate it.  But you can’t try love and see if you hate it, because “true love” is what people seek, and so if you don’t like the first one, you just try again.


Another one is cigarettes.  That’s something else I thought was awesomely cool from seeing it on tv.  But in real life, smokers stink.  They aren’t sexy, within ten feet of you.  It is bad for their teeth and their lungs and it makes them inconvenient, it’s expensive and it makes you cough.  These are all things I worked out without even trying them.


So how about that?  Without even trying, why should I not even be interested in falling in love?


(Oh, and a side note, look how young we all were when the brain washing started?)

Why not fall in love?  For one thing it seems not to be so awesome all the time.

I see couples arguing here there and everywhere.


They don’t communicate well, they don’t tell each other what is wrong, they get mad at each other for stupid little reasons and they get on each others nerves.


And nobody ever seems to think, “hey, maybe love is not so cracked up as I thought it was?”  And I’m not saying love is bad.  Love is a thing the world needs.  I’m questioning COUPLING.  PARTNERSHIP.

And I’m questioning them as an across the board definitive life expectation.

As in:  in life you will learn to walk, learn to eat, watch movies, sit, and die.  Those are fairly sure-thing expectations.

If you said, you will definitely learn to ride a bike and speak fluent french, people may start to say, hold on, I might not want to do those things.

But love, is an expected definite, and if it is not achieved, it is felt to be a failure, a sadness, a miss.  And this is not about what other people think, or not just about that.  Mainly I’m talking about our indoctrination to believe these things.


You will not be alone if you don’t pair up.  You’re born with a family.  You make friends in every area of your life.  If you’re still lonely you can join friendship groups, you can go to the movies or volunteer and you will find people to talk to.


I personally like being alone.  I like time to myself.  I like reading, painting, drawing, writing, blogging.  If I had a partner I would have to compromise these things.  I would have to talk to him or her.  I would have to pay attention to them, do what they want to do, listen talk etcetera.


And I know that supposedly this is what you want to do when you fall in love.  But I’ve seen a lot of evidence to the contrary.  I have seen people who resent having to compromise what they want to do.  I’ve seen it create a lot of tension between partners.


If you are alone you can do what you want.  Eat what you want, when you want.  Wear what you want.  You don’t have to dress up to impress anyone, you don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to go.


You are living your life.


So next time you’re watching movies, make sure they don’t manipulate your ideas of what to expect from life.  Because the grass isn’t greener on the other side.


They don’t make enough movies about finding yourself and being happy with yourself.  French Kiss is such a romantic film, and it’s funny and I love it, but it would be so much stronger if Meg and Kevin had just been friends.  She’d realised that she was better off without her awful fiancee and gone on with her life stronger, don’t you think?

And I also do really love that film,  I just think that it’s important to realise the theatre of it all.  We don’t watch the three musketeers and start believing our lives would be better if we had a sword on us all the time.  So why don’t we recognise the separation from reality when it comes to love?


It’s interesting to start to realise that you don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing, or rather, that you do.

Think about it.



2 thoughts on “What do you want?

  1. buzzbuzzgeorge

    This is a really interesting post. I can really see what you are talking about. And you are right – French Kiss for one, is really about how the idea of perfect love doesn’t work out the way you think it will. It really doesn’t. And it’s something you shouldn’t work your life around or depend on, because no matter how strong it seems, you don’t know what will happen. It’s crazy. And, I see the fine line you tread, it’s difficult to say any of this without sounding cynical or jaded. It’s not love that’s in question, it’s the perfection, the premise, the myth of it all which is being called into question. Also great pictures again. I like the comparison between advertising cigarettes and soda and love.

    Liked by 1 person


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